What better way to celebrate tonight's The Real Housewives of New York City season 8 premiere than by reflecting on the past? More specifically, the glamour and excess that is the Real Housewives franchise. And who better to assist us on this journey down memory lane than Real Housewife expert and the hilarious blogger/podcast host behind The Bitch Bible, Jackie Schimmel. Jackie, we'll let you take it from here.
When you think of the pioneer women of beauty trends, lust-worthy weaves, and day drinking in faux lashes, it's hard not to immediately think of the Real Housewives. As a passionate and unapologetic aficionado of the franchise, I have learned many a lesson from these dynamic women.
Wigs R Us. One of the great things about being a woman is the opportunity to experiment with our look. Kim Zolciak taught us that wigs are for everyone and a hell of a lot easier than busting our ass on a blow-dry.
Faux lashes are a girl's best friend. Apparently being a Real Housewife requires wearing mink lashes to the gym. What kind of lash adhesive are they using, carpenter's glue? The ladies love their lashes and are rarely seen on camera without them.
Contouring is the new rhinoplasty. Certain housewives might insist that their slenderized nose is not the result of going under the knife but rather of expertly applied shading. Although I might not believe them, after seeing makeup-transformation videos on YouTube, I believe proper contouring and highlighting can truly give you a post-surgery nose sans the procedure bills and hush money to your surgeon.
A frosty lipstick can get you fired. Peggy Tanous, Alexis Bellino, and Adrienne Maloof were all pioneer women of the daytime frosty lip. Subsequently, they were all fired as Housewives. Some would say their termination was due to ratings; I blame the opalescent sheen of their lip color. Unless you are dressing up as Romy or Michelle, just skip the frost.
Less is more. Ugh. I know. So boring and wholesome #kimfields. After all the shading, gluing, and glossing, sometimes the best thing about being a real Real Housewife is the luxury of living au naturel. Like Caroline Manzo once said, "You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig." And hopefully that lipstick is not frosted.
In true Housewife fashion, there never needs to be a reason to rock a smoky eye—and we'll show you the easiest ways to create the look: