Image credit: Bear Deer Fox
Gone are the days of hard and fast rules relating to your wedding party. Harking back to ancient times, outmoded traditions no longer reflect who we are today. Instead, couples-to- be are shaking off old-fashioned nuptials and looking ahead for ways to tailor-make their wedding. Out-of-touch mandates – from nominating one maid of honour to ensuring that your wedding party is even-numbered – were made to be broken in 2019. This year, the only wedding tradition en vogue is exercising your bridal discretion and organising your special day your way. Here’s how.
Bridesmaids, bridesmates, groomsmen and groomsmaiden
We’ve come a long way from the ivory towers of traditional weddings that barred us from marrying who we wanted how we wanted, so why remain shackled to bygone rules as to who can and can’t be bridesmaids and groomsmen? According to Amy Shack Egan of alternative event planning company Modern Rebel: “A lot of planning a wedding nowadays is unlearning what you’ve been sold.” This may include avoiding exclusionary language or seating partitions that could offend non-binary guests. Her advice? “Throw out the rules and innovate.” You should include all of your best friends in your wedding party, so eschew labels where possible and keep those closest to you nearby.
Image credit: Lara Hotz
Mix it up: mister of honour, best maid
The role of the best man, a tradition that’s thought to date back to 16th-century Germanic Goths, was originally devised to fight off vengeful suitors keen to kidnap the bride, and was reserved for the finest swordsman. Today, the best man and maid of honour are relieved of such pressures, playing more supportive roles that have little to do with their age-old honorary titles. “The idea that our friendships are rooted in gender is so old-school and exclusionary,” says Shack Egan. “Choose friends based on their character and go from there.” In cases where singling someone out may cause tension within the wedding party, she recommends avoiding the archaic tradition and not electing a best friend at all. “It only matters if it matters to you.”
Image credit: Siempre Weddings
The odds are not against you
No matter how much you have in common with your future life partner, it is unlikely both of you will have the same number of close friends within your wedding party. This is normal and shouldn’t disrupt the day’s proceedings or force you to eliminate a close friend or cousin from the group. Jess Levin Conroy of premier wedding vendor network Carats and Cake emphasises that “including the people you want by your side [is key] regardless of what this number adds up to or what the rules say”. Embrace having an odd or even-numbered wedding party and seize the opportunity to devise more interesting photo set-ups or flower bouquets.
Image credit: Siempre Weddings
Walk as you wish
In centuries past, bridesmaids dressed to resemble the bride and would escort her to the ceremony, forming a defensive wall of white, fluffy gowns to confuse potential attackers. Unlike today, where bridesmaids wear a dress of the bride’s choosing, attention was purposefully split in order to deliver the bride safely to her groom. Since then, tradition has been turned on its head: the bride takes her stride last, following her bridesmaids, who are usually escorted arm-in-arm by a groomsman. This notion that women cannot walk alone is rife for revision, so consider abandoning this habit and let your wedding party walk in as they wish. This can alleviate the awkwardness of pairing up friends and family of the couple that may not know each other.
This article originally appeared in Vogue Brides 2019 issue.
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